समाचार

Losing a friend can hurt even when there was never a dramatic last conversation. Many people find that a friendship simply drifts, or ends in a way they cannot quite name, and then feel unsure whether the loss counts. A review covering studies from childhood to young adulthood suggests that friendship endings are varied and deserve to be taken seriously, without any single script.

What the researchers did

The review was written by Santucci, Dirks and Lydon and carries the title "With or without you: Understanding friendship dissolution from childhood through young adulthood". It is dated 2025, though the exact day of publication is not given.

It is a review of existing studies rather than a new experiment. It does not describe a systematic-review protocol or say how many studies or participants were included. Its developmental scope runs from childhood to young adulthood, so it should not be read as a complete account of how adult friendships end.

The review draws together what is known about three broad areas linked with friendship stability: the actions and beliefs of individuals regarding their relationships, how similar the friends are and how good the friendship is, and the social network around the pair.

What they found

Friendship endings are not all alike. The review describes differences in timing, in how the ending is communicated, and in whether ending the friendship was intentional. "We stopped seeing each other" can therefore cover very different experiences. Some friendships fade or change, while others end through a clearer decision or conversation.

Many friendships do not last through childhood and adolescence. Far less research has looked at stability in adulthood, which is a gap in what we know.

The review also notes that a friendship ending can turn out well or badly, depending on the relationship and its circumstances. That leaves room for mixed feelings. An ending can bring sadness and loss, and it can also reflect a shift that one or both friends see as needed. Neither reaction, by itself, shows that the friendship should have been saved or should have continued.

The researchers point to gaps still to be filled: the experiences of marginalised groups, the everyday processes that lead a friendship to dissolve, and the ways technology might strengthen or weaken friendships.

What this does and does not show

The areas named in the review are themes across a body of research. They are not a checklist for explaining any one friendship, and it would be overconfident to blame an ending on one quarrel, a new social group or a gap between the friends.

Because the record gives no number of studies, no pooled results and no formal limitations section, the review cannot supply a figure for how common friendship breakups are, or measure how strongly any one factor predicts an ending. It also cannot tell you what is right for your situation.

Still, the themes can serve as useful prompts. You could consider what has shifted between you and a friend in how you deal with each other, what each of you hopes for from the friendship, and whether life circumstances around you have altered. Use these questions to sort out your own thinking, not to diagnose what another person intended.

Allowing time for an ending to make sense can help, instead of dismissing it because the person was neither a partner nor a relative. Some people jot down what they miss, what was hard, and what they would look for in future friendships. That is personal reflection, and the review did not test it as a method.

When a friendship has faded with no clear conversation, you might begin by deciding what you are after: contact again, some clarity, or just time to adjust. A brief, courteous message is one possibility if it feels right. You are under no obligation to send one, and the research does not suggest that every friendship should be repaired. Equally, you can recognise how much a friendship mattered without trying to restart it.

Questions to ask

• What has changed in how my friend and I interact, and what do each of us seem to expect now?
• Do I want renewed contact, clarity, or time to adjust, and what feels comfortable?
• What did this friendship give me, and what would I want from friendships in future?

Source: With or without you: Understanding friendship dissolution from childhood through young adulthood

Illustration of a friendship ending or changing direction. AI-generated editorial illustration. This article summarises published research in our own words and is general information, not personal health advice.